Do Women Talk Too Much?
In 2021, the head of the Tokyo Olympics organizing committee, Yoshiro Mori, found himself in hot water after saying women talk too much in meetings.
Yoshiro Mori
This was followed by a public outcry – and reminders that the 83-year-old former Japanese prime minister had a history of sexist comments and other gaffes.
A press conference was hastily called where Mori tried to seek forgiveness and retain his position.
But his sentiments are ones I’ve heard before.
In fact, it was only a few years earlier when a similar story was all over the news.
That time the comment was made by Uber board member David Bonderman – ironically during a meeting about fixing sexism at the company.
David Bonderman
He later stepped down from the board.
There are many who would agree with Mori and Bonderman that women talk too much.
But are they right?
According to Oxford University Professor of Language and Communication Deborah Cameron, Mori and Bonderman were wrong.
Cameron states there is substantial evidence ‘going back a long way’ that men talk more than women.
This applies to school and university classrooms, workplace meetings, at academic conferences, in political forums, and TV panel shows.
“It’s probably one of the most consistent language and gender findings of difference that we have,” Cameron said.
And it gets worse when women are outnumbered.
Researchers from Princeton and Brigham Young University found that when women are outnumbered, they spoke 75 percent less than men.
Conversely, when men are outnumbered, they still speak for the majority of the time.
So why do people believe women talk so much?
David and Myra Sadker spent decades researching gender equity in education, and once did an experiment while discussing their work on The Today Show.
They decided to take turns talking during the interview, aiming for equal speaking time.
In the end, only nine seconds separated the amount of airtime they each had.
But that’s not how people experienced it.
“The general reaction was, ‘Why did Myra talk so much?’” David explained.
“When it’s equitable, it looks unfair, because we’re used to seeing males speak more.”
And the problem starts long before we reach the workplace.
As the Sadkers discovered in their research, girls get less attention early on.
“When a boy misbehaves in class, he is given attention and is brought back into the discussion,” David Sadker said.
“Girls don’t tend to challenge or need discipline in the same way.”
The Sadkers’ research also showed that dominant boys benefit from support from their peers, in the form of a one or more loyal ‘sidekicks’ who will reinforce points they make.
But girls don’t have that same kind of support.
And as girls get older and develop, they can become sexual targets, and that also limits their desire or willingness to speak up.
And then they enter the workplace…
Although women and men enter the workplace at the same level, professional women have a tough path to navigate.
Women need to be assertive enough to be confident, but can’t be seen as too aggressive or bossy.
And while men can be disliked and still influence, women cannot.
There are plenty of studies that conclude that when it comes to the workplace, women speak less, are interrupted more, and have their ideas more harshly scrutinized.
This struggle to be heard happens across businesses and the globe – even at The White House.
And not being heard (or listened to) has a massive impact on women’s careers.
Forget about the glass ceiling.
For many women, the ‘broken rung’ (where they struggle to make the first step to manager) continues to be a real barrier.
And for those women who do succeed, they’ll find fewer and fewer women at each level as they climb the organizational hierarchy.
So what can we do to make things better?
While much has been written about the need for women to change the way they behave – to ‘lean in’ – the key is to change the environment.
Leaders need to create environments where the psychological safety is high enough that people feel comfortable sharing their ideas.
They need to encourage people to speak up – and listen when they do.
And just as colleagues can be part of the problem, they need to be part of the solution.
Here are three things we can all do to make things better:
Pay attention and listen – Notice who is speaking and who isn’t.
Pull the quiet voices into the conversation by actively seeking their views – ‘Sarah, what are your thoughts?’ – and listen when they speak.
Affirm and amplify – When a woman makes a good point, affirm it.
‘Great point, Sally.’ Recognize their contributions, support them, and when they share a good idea, amplify it by repeating it and giving them credit.
Be an ally – Call out poor behaviour, like interrupting or people taking credit for someone else’s idea.
A man saying things like ‘Hannah was speaking, Bill’ or ‘That’s the point Hannah made earlier’ are small things that can make such a difference.
Helping women be heard isn’t just a ‘nice gesture.’
When women feel comfortable speaking up, you’ll hear more ideas, and be able to make better decisions.
And doesn’t that benefit us all?
Oh — and if you’re wondering what happened to Yoshiro Mori…
At that press conference (organized to save his job) he was asked,
‘Do you really think women talk too much?’
He replied:
“I don’t listen to women that much lately so I don’t know.”
He was later forced to resign.
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Beth Collier loves writing, pop culture, and can hold her own in a conversation.
She also loves helping companies, leaders, and teams improve their communication (and creativity and leadership) through consulting, coaching, and workshops.
Her clients benefit from Beth’s global corporate experience, Midwestern practicality and enthusiasm, and an endless supply of pop culture references.
To find out how Beth can help you become a more confident, creative, and compelling leader – or improve communication in your company – visit www.beth-collier.com or drop her a line at beth@beth-collier.com
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