That's a Terrible Apology, Chris Cuomo

I love reading what other people write, because it gives you such insight into who they are and how they think. 

With just a few written words, you can get an impression of someone. 

And an email I read recently caught my attention – and made me curious about the author and his intent.

It was an apology from Chris Cuomo, a host on CNN. Chris is also the younger brother of the former governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo, (who recently resigned after a slew of sexual harassment allegations became public).

Chris has already had his integrity and journalism ethics questioned for the way he covered (and advised) his brother during various scandals, as well the special access he received to Covid-19 testing. 

Now a new story suggests that Andrew is not the only handsy member of the Cuomo family.

Shelley Ross, a former ABC News executive producer (and Cuomo’s then-boss) has written an article about an experience she had with Cuomo in 2005.

Ross was at a going-away party for another ABC colleague when she saw Cuomo, her former employee. She wrote that he greeted her ‘with a strong bear hug while lowering one hand to firmly grab and squeeze the cheek of my buttock.’

Here is an excerpt from her article:

“I can do this now that you’re no longer my boss,” he said to me with a kind of cocky arrogance. 

“No you can’t,” I said, pushing him off me at the chest while stepping back, revealing my husband, who had seen the entire episode at close range.

We quickly left.

Soon after, she received this email from Cuomo.

Now, it should go without saying (but clearly it still needs to be said) that you shouldn’t grab a co-worker (or stranger’s) ass at a party (or anywhere). But let’s focus on the apology – because it’s an interesting one to analyze. 

Who has been wronged?

The first thing that jumped out at me is that the apology doesn’t focus on the person who has been wronged – Shelley Ross.

Cuomo first apologizes to Ross’s husband, and then adds the ‘I apologize to you as well’ line.

Why is she the ‘as well’? 

She was the one who was grabbed without consent. 

She was the one who was embarrassed, disrespected, and made to feel uncomfortable. 

She is the one he should be apologizing to.

While her husband was probably annoyed as well, if Cuomo was sincerely sorry (and big enough to admit his mistake) he should have apologized to Ross’s husband directly – and separately. 

What’s Ross supposed to say to her husband after reading this email? ‘Oh honey, don’t forget we have tickets to the theatre on Saturday night, and by the way Chris says he’s sorry for grabbing my ass the other night.’ 

It’s awkward. And how does Cuomo expect Ross’s husband would respond to the apology? 

‘Aw mate, it’s OK. Who doesn’t grab their former boss’s ass when they see her?’  

It’s not about you, Chris

Cuomo even goes so far as to relate the situation to himself when he says: ‘As a husband I can empathize with not liking to see my wife patted as such…’ 

Again, the focus on how a husband would feel is wrong. It feels like Cuomo is treating a wife like a husband’s property. Ross’s husband may be angry at what he saw Cuomo do – but his anger is secondary to his wife’s. 

This isn’t about how Ross’s husband, or Cuomo, or any other husband would feel. That’s a separate apology. Cuomo owed Shelley Ross an apology that focused on how his actions made her feel. 

And then we have the reference to Christian Slater…

This refers to when an intoxicated Slater was arrested for groping a woman on the street at 2 am. Cuomo made an interesting choice to include this reference to Slater in an email of just four short paragraphs. 

His jokey tone here implies that Slater’s intent was negative (i.e. sexual), whereas Cuomo’s was a product of his enthusiasm at seeing Ross. The intent may have been different, but that doesn’t make the action OK.

While you could say he’s trying to use a joke to make the tone lighter, you could also interpret it as a sneaky (manipulative) way to cover his ass (no pun intended). It’s a subtle nudge that suggests he wasn’t doing anything sexual – or illegal (i.e. ‘I wasn’t being a creep like Slater was!’). 

 The fact that Cuomo has a law degree makes this reference feel like more than a casual aside,

 So, what now?

 After Ross shared her story, Cuomo issued this statement:

 “As Shelley acknowledges, our interaction was not sexual in nature. It happened 16 years ago in a public setting when she was a top executive at ABC. I apologized to her then, and I meant it.” 

Again, Cuomo shows he hasn’t learned the lesson. He hasn’t admitted that it was inappropriate, or that he was wrong. Maybe in his mind if the intention isn’t sexual, it’s OK (unless her husband sees you!).

And saying ‘I apologized’ doesn’t magically make it all OK. An effective apology should express remorse, and focus on making the person who has been wronged feel better.

Cuomo’s apology recognized he’d done something wrong. But I wondered why he felt bad. Was it because he touched Ross – or because Ross’s husband saw him do it?

For an apology to be meaningful, you have to understand what you’ve done – and why it was wrong.

And apologize first and foremost to the person you’ve wronged.

Even after 16 years, it doesn’t seem that Cuomo gets it. 

And maybe that’s the worst offense of all. 

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*Bonus points to anyone who raised an eyebrow at the style choices of Cuomo’s email. What’s with the lack of capital letters and all the ellipses?

Beth Collier loves writing about the intersection of pop culture and business. She helps leaders and teams improve their communication and creativity skills through coaching and team workshops. Her clients benefit from her global business experience, her Midwestern Ted Lasso-style optimism, and her endless supply of pop culture references.

She’s also notoriously curious, and shares stories that show the power of creativity (it IS a business skill) and curiosity in her weekly newsletter, Curious Minds.