This Is Probably Driving Your Mom Friends Crazy

In the last year, I’ve seen more articles that have started to scratch the surface of what it’s like to be a working mother. 

The challenges of discrimination and judgement at work. 

The expensive (and limited) childcare options.

The stress of finding care for your children during school breaks, because they have three times the amount of time off that most employees have.

But there’s one thing that I haven’t seen written about – and it’s an issue that is likely driving mothers you know crazy:

Conversations on the parent WhatsApp.

Yes, to be a mother today means you have to be in a WhatsApp group with other parents (whose kids are in the same class at school as yours). Really, it’s other mothers, but occasionally a dad or two pop in.

The pinging may start early in the morning with questions about which uniform the kids should wear (Is it PE Day? I thought PE Day moved? No, it’s today. Are you sure? I thought it was Thursday. Yes, I talked to the teacher yesterday) and it can continue throughout the day (and night) as more questions are asked and answered.

You may think, ‘If the group is annoying, just leave it.’

Ah, if it were only that simple…

The parent WhatsApp is where you find details of the latest fundraiser (and when you need to play Betty Crocker), and when you need to volunteer at a school event, or send your kids to school in something other than their uniform.

And there’s always one mother who manages to get a heads up from the teacher about something that hasn’t been communicated to anyone else.

The parent WhatsApp can be an important source of intel.

Oh look, honey - we need to get cupcakes for another fundraiser!

It’s also where you’ll find constant reminders if you haven’t done something (usually contributed money or signed up for something). This will be followed by at least one message from someone who acts shocked at such a reminder, as they have somehow missed the first 12 messages telling them about it. I had no idea the Christmas Fair was in December!

And the WhatsApp gets peppered with questions about spelling words and tests and details of the latest school project. Remember to send your child to school in a costume appropriate for 1666 for their Great Fire of London workshop!

Some of this can be fine – even helpful. No one wants to forget to give their kid £1 for the bake sale and hear them sadly recount how their friends all had money and stuffed their faces with cupcakes. (Nut-free cupcakes, obviously).

But with 30 people (or more) in a WhatsApp group, there can be a lot of chatter.

And a lot of noise.

And if you are a mother – especially one who is trying to work for 8+ hours in paid employment each day and care for your children – it’s probably driving you crazy.

It’s not just the volume of the messages. It’s the content.

Aside from the helpful reminders, some people use the parent WhatsApp group to air all their grievances. It’s the perfect setting for Karens to hold the mic – and never leave the stage.

Recently, one of my parent WhatsApp groups was filled with chatter (and drama) about the Christmas card designs the children had made for a school fundraiser.

You might think the issue is that the school is selling Christmas cards. But no, despite London being multicultural, the word ‘Christmas’ is fine and used without scandal. 

The issue is that… not everyone has a child who is a talented artist.

When some parents received their proof of Junior’s artwork, they were reminded that they might not be raising the next Monet or Frida Kahlo.

So they don’t want to buy their child’s cards.

OK, fine. Don’t buy them. But you don’t need to publicly proclaim to the group why you’re not buying them.

My son drew a design with koalas (naturally – it’s Christmas) and wrote ‘Mary Christmas’ on the front.

Heads up, loved ones - you might be lucky enough to get one of these in the mail in December!

He’s also used the seasonal colors of brown, gray, blue, yellow, orange, and red.

So festive!

But who cares?

He’s six years old. 

It’s a fundraiser. 

I’ll buy a pack of cards – and a tea towel for Grandma, too.

My cousin still has my daughter’s card on display (no it’s not the Wonder Woman card). You never know when you’ll need to know the answer to 9+10.

But it’s this kind of chatter that drives me crazy. 

And I’m not the only one.

So the next time you see a mother’s phone ping with a WhatsApp notification from a parent group, give her a supportive nod and smile.

She might need it.

And if your child draws an ugly Christmas card, think of it as a wonderful opportunity to show them that art is about expression and fun.

And pony up £2.50 to buy a pack.

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Beth Collier loves writing, pop culture, and attempting to draw with her kids.

She also loves helping companies, leaders, and teams improve their communication (and creativity and leadership) through consulting, coaching, and workshops.

Her clients benefit from Beth’s global corporate experience, Midwestern practicality and enthusiasm, and an endless supply of pop culture references.

To find out how Beth can help you become a more confident, creative, and compelling leader – or improve communication in your company – visit www.beth-collier.com or drop her a line at beth@beth-collier.com